Lenny’s last word

(Short script)

 

SCENE: A doctor’s office

Bill is buttoning up his shirt after an examination as doctor fills out the form,

 

Bill:

            Well, Doc?

            What’s the good word?

            Is this something I should worry about?

 

DOCTOR:

            Nothing’s wrong with the kidney as far as I can see.

 

BILL:

            Then why I am up ten times a night to take a pee?

 

DOCTOR:

            Have you been drinking a lot lately?

 

BILL:

            I had one drink.

            I know I’m not supposed to but I couldn’t resist

 

DOC:

            And now you’re feeling guilty because you have your best friend’s kidney?

 

BILL:

            Not exactly, Doc.

            Lenny was a pain in the ass when he was a live.

            He always had to have the last work about everything.

 

DOC:

            So what does this have to do with the kidney?

 

BILL:

            Lenny hated how much I drank.

            He kept telling me “it’s going to kill you some day.”

 

DOC:

            He must have cared about you to offer to give you his kidney.

 

BILL:

            He wasn’t being kind.

            He was just showing me how right he was

            And that pissed me off.

 

DOC:

            People don’t generally give up a kidney to make a point

 

BILL:

            You don’t know Lenny.

            He would have cut off an arm to win an argument.

 

DOC:

            Is that why you refused to take his kidney at first?

 

BILL:

            Damned right

            I wasn’t going to let that song of a bitch get over on me.

            I told him the only way I’d take his kidney if he was dead.

 

DOC:

            If he hadn’t run his car into that tree, you wouldn’t be here now.

 

BILL:

            I know I ought to be grateful.

            But I can’t help thinking Lenny’s getting over on me somehow.

 

DOC:

            How is that possible? Lenny’s dead.

 

BILL:

            Think about it, Doc.

            One drink and I’m peeing like a horse

 

DOC:

            So?

 

BILL:

            It’s Lenny’s kidney telling me to stop.

            Leave it to that son of a bitch to get in the last word

            Even after he’s freakin’ dead!