Getting it right this time

 

Rolly tried to kill himself again.

With so much practice, you would think he might get good at it.

But it never works.

While I just met him, I know he’s one of those people who’ll keep on trying, collecting an A for effort when he fails at everything else here in college.

Just why he wants to end life at age 20 still puzzles me.

I’ve just turned 30 and I think three times that won’t be enough if I stay healthy and sane.

Women love Rolly.

He’s the Latin lover they always dreamed might seduce them.

The only problem is: he’s a gay Latin lover, which spoils the illusion a little.

Rolly’s favorite movie is “Harold and Maude,” and while he hates funerals, he loves the idea of slaughtering himself in a different way each time.

The EMT drivers have a lottery going to determine what method of self destruction Rolly will try next, and how close Rolly will get before the doctor’s have to yank him back to the living.

Maybe Rolly just wants us to feel sorry for him.

It’s hard.

This is a community college.

Most of us work jobs at night while going to school by day

He’s got so much money he forgets what he does with it. So his parents send him more.

Maybe he got more sympathy at the rich-kid-college he attended before he came here, where other rich kids could make out why one of their own might want to exit life early when he has so much going for him.

I guess most of us feel sorry for him once.

But how many times can you watch a guy die before it starts to look funny?

We try not to laugh until after the ambulance pulls away.

New kids in the dorms think we’re monstrous.

We tell them to wait a few times and they’ll start to think it’s funny, too.

I guess the only one who doesn’t see this as funny is Rolly.

After all, eh wants to succeed at something, even if it’s only to kill himself,

And frankly, he can’t even get that right.