Twenty to one
We come to the club because the women out number men 20 to one.
Looks don’t matter so much as much sheer numbers.
For three guys like us, looks better not matter or we don’t get lucky.
Twitch is twitching more than usual, he’s so excited.
Me, I figure I can’t miss if I can get up enough nerve to talk to any of them.
I’m so shy; I make a wall flower seem bold.
Nicky is so anxious, I think he’ll have a heart attack if we don’t talk to some of the girls soon.
Sheer numbers, I mumble, then ask how do we choose?
Pick one, Nicky tell me in a tone that explodes with impatience.
I look around.
Some of the women look at me, waiting.
Twitchy twitches, but it’s the only move he can make.
Too many to choose from, he says, his teeth chattering.
This drives Nicky to the brink and he shouts for us to move.
Then he shoves me towards some plain brunette with small breasts and teeth so crooked I might trip over them trying to kiss her.
She asks if I want to dance.
I nod, a nervous impulse, since in this I am like Twitchy and can barely get any other part of me to move.
Twitchy is still twitching as Nicky shoves him towards some other girl, and I feel a little more confident knowing that someone in this place looks more like a fool than I feel I am.
But I don’t dance well, knowing only the dances my aunt tried to teach me. So the girl now has bruised toes to go with her crooked teeth, and hobbles off to the ladies room to recover.
I know she won’t be back soon.
Twitchy gives dancing new meaning and the women he’s with flee his movements as if he just landed here out of a Japanese monster movie.
It is clear that even modern dance isn’t ready for him either.
Nicky, who has hooked up with a pretty blonde, glares at us both from the bar.
I know he’s going to pretend his not with us after this.
I know he thinks of us as two hopeless cases, and he’s right.
I know I’ll be stuck with Twitchy for the long lonely walk home later, after the disappointed army of women seeps back into the dark night.
I know even 20 to 1 odds isn’t enough for the likes of us, no matter what Nicky says.