Take him or else
Listen, Hank.
If you don’t come over here right now and take him, you’ll find him dead in the morning.
I swear.
I know he’s your room mate not your child. But he’s spent a lot more time drunk on my couch than living with you.
Yes, that’s right. That’s where he’s been.
God knows why I let him live as long as I have after what he said.
I think I’ve been more than fair taking him in over the last two weeks. He’s been here since Christmas when I felt kind by letting him sleep it off here.
You do remember I asked you to take him with you and when you left without him, I figured he was too drunk to let him drive home on his own.
Now he won’t leave. And he won’t sober up. And let’s face it I didn’t move into this dump to have him living here, too.
I wanted private time with Jane and I’m not getting any. Do you get my drift?
No, he hasn’t been here 24 hours a day. I throw him out in the morning when I leave for work and find him drunker than before on my door step when I get back. I’d leave him on the stoop if the neighbors wouldn’t talk.
I would have called the police except Jane won’t let me. She seems to think this is all my fault.
I nearly took her head off demanding to know how I’m to blame for his being drunk.
But she’s so kind she insisted on taking him in and talking to him. She tried to explain how it wasn’t nice for him to show up on our door step in the condition he was in.
I must be thick. I thought he being my friend had come to bother me. After a while, after Jane had cooed over his drunken body long enough I realized he had the hots for her.
He even told her he loved her.
At that point I promised to kill him, but he passed out on me.
So if you don’t want to find your friend floating in the river, you’d better come and get him right now. Before he wakes up and I get charged with murdering him.
Do you hear me, Hank?