Dots on the window

 

April 6, 2012

 

I dream rain even when there is none.

This is supposed to be the month of showers, and so I dream of rain and more rain, and pecking in my head that turns out to be the cell phone I clutch under my pillow.

It’s like falling asleep with a calculator and wondering why things do not add up in the morning. Or believing in a tooth fairy. Or wondering what it means to be so old and not feel it.

Bees buzz in my head that aren’t out yet.

I wake up not in a sweat by aching deep in the bones as I look to the window and wish for dots of rain to appear there, and wonder what will happen in the morning, and slowly, before I get my coffee, I check the phone.

Then on the front picture window I see dots and feel relief, the way I used to wake up relieved in Junior High School, checking the sheets to see if it was real.

Then all day long I ache for more rain, and more, and wonder, what it is that I am waiting for.

Dots of wet on my window, as I drift back later to sleep.