I don’t really want a job, Mr. Spielberg
July 3, 2009
I made the mistake of joking in a fan letter to Steven Spielberg that he might hire me – a man without an ounce of acting talent – for his next Indiana Jones movie. Then, I received a letter from DreamWorks legal department.
“Due to legal and insurance restrictions, DreamWorks has a strict policy prohibiting the acceptance of unsolicited literary, dramatic or musical materials in any form for consideration, unless submitted by franchise literary agents or motion picture production individuals with whom DreamWorks has established a working relationship.”
I should take this as a complement – that someone, probably Spielberg’s personal secretary, thought my fan letter of literary merit.
What the legal communication really meant is: don’t bother Mr. Spielberg, he’s too busy.”
The letter sent to Spielberg’s East Hampton home on June 22 was my usual pointless chat about his upcoming epic: “Indy 5”
“I love the idea that you are making an Indiana Jones 5,” the letter said. “While I was among those who believed #4 less good than some of your previous efforts, I also saw it four times and still get a kick out of it since it still features some of my favorite characters in film.”
I went on to point out how the first of the series had made Garley Gang Folklore when my friend Pauly pulled me aside to tell me about how much it reminded him of Casablanca and other films of that era.
“I would beg to somehow be involved in the making of your new film, but I can’t sing, act or play a musical instrument,” the letter went on. “I can right, but I’m sure you have a staff of very talented people you would prefer to work on the film. So I’ll just wait like everyone else to see it when it comes out on the silver screen.”
I point out here that I’m currently doing a study of Schindler’s List – which I am – and how, though he diverted from the original book, caught the essential flavor of the film, and how touched I was when met survivors of the Holocaust.
I talked about baby bird I found and how like Schindler I became responsible for its life.
I then concluded the letter with the joke, “Please consider using me in the next Indiana movie, if you can better figure out what I might possible do, otherwise, just keeping movies.”
So apparently DreamWorks assumed I was somehow serious. To dispel this notation I penned yet another response as follows:
Dear Mr. Spielberg:
I got your letter from the DreamWorks legal department.
I’m sorry you misunderstood my previous communication. I was joking about being in your next movie or writing for it. I don’t have acting talent and I’m positive you have more than enough writers already.
We differ distinctly in our approach to art. You sell it. I give it away. You believe in the system; I rebel against it.
In NO WAY am I promoting or offering any art to you or trying to sell you anything. I sincerely apologize for anything I might have said to indicate differently.
In the future I’ll try to be careful as to not confuse your secretary.
If I do ever come up with anything, I have a qualified literary agent that will communicate directly with DreamWorks. But this, of course, is an unlikely scenario.
My letters are purely personal communications – fan mail, if you wish – to be read or discarded as you see fit.
If you feel they are an imposition in anyway, have your legal department notify me or provide me with an address that is more fitting a venue for such communications.
Meanwhile, I look forward to your next film.
Your fan
Al Sullivan